There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed
by a perfect God...
There is never a dull moment in my life, I tell ya. 2010 has thus far been so far from how I imagined it would be, and now I sit here at a crossroads with such opportunity ahead that I would be crazy not to let God take the control he is constantly begging me for...
Today my mother and I spent a good hour and a half if not two together in the car on our way to Greensboro to pick up tiffany. We had some much needed conversation about so many important topics from the state of the world these days, to our relationships and the impact every relationship in life has, to what God has been telling us lately. I am so very VERY blessed and thankful for the family I have and the bond and closeness we have all developed. We are a family that has the ability to laugh, cry and hold eachother up in every situation we have encountered. I may be absent from the household much of the time due to my crazy life but the moments I am lucky enough to spend with them are some that I am so very thankful for. In this day and age it is so rare to find a family like ours and I am blessed to be a part of something that is so strong and wholesome in a world that is often quite the opposite.
I have had a pulling feeling on my heart lately that has left me with a gut feeling I have not been able to put my finger on. God has been speaking to me loud and clear and in the midst of life I have admittedly not taken the time to sit back and listen to Him. The lyrics above are from a song called "Perfect people" by natalie grant and it was while listening to that recently that a lot clicked and got me thinking. Many of us strive for perfection in our daily lives, and insecurities cause us to seek recognition for our actions. I am absolutly guilty of trying too hard to get others to notice me and my accomplishments. When it comes down to it though, none of that matters. As important as it is to act with integrity and treat everyone with the respect and dignity that they deserve, it doesn't matter to God that I stayed an extra twenty minutes to finish a project at work, or that I held the door open for a stranger. What matters is the heart, mindset, and relationship that I have with Him. I have let that relationship sit on the backburner slightly as I barely have time to think let alone spend time with God. And yet, that is my own doing. My priorities have been skewed and because of that I hear Him calling out to me to reprioritize in so many ways. Whether it be a random stranger making a comment about my faith, or a worship song coming on the radio at the most perfect time...
It is clear that I am at a point where some changes need to be made.
I miss writing...both on here and in my journal. I miss writing long letters to my friends back in California. I miss those quiet moments to myself of my back porch as the sun is going down. I miss being carefree and giddy...being an adult is a lot harder than you think it is growing up. Bills, bills and more bills have piled up lately raising my stress level, and yet as I sat writing my budget for the next few months I had an odd peace about my life. As if God literally was sitting in my room saying do your best and put more trust in me.
So with all that vague information, I am going to say this; I plan on making some significant changes within myself, my priorities and my attitude within the next 6months. I think that this point in time is a very cruicial one in our world and there isn't a better time to step back from the world and immerse oneself in strengthening those relationships that are most important.
I am going to document my journey as I go, and would appreciate prayers for strength and focus throughout this. I have a lot on my plate and am looking forward to simplifying as well as discovering the woman that God is calling me to be.
A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise
In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring you praise
From the inside out of my soul
Lord my soul cries out....
