Been Awhile..

I don't know where to start really. I'm pissed. I'm hurt. I'm lonely. My sisters are miserable. My mother is devestated. My father...who knows. Its just HARD. You know how when you're in the middle of a really tough and lifechanging situation, sometimes it is really hard to see beyond what is right in front of you and just have faith? Although God has worked everything in my life out perfectly thus far, I am honestly struggling so much. I don't have the passion for my faith that I used to have, the people here are SO mean to me, I am away from home...my extended family, the few true friends I have left, Tyler, crave, my job as an Esthetician, the consistant schedule I did have...ugh. It is so frustrating to realize how good I had it and that things won't ever be the same. I don't regret moving here-I regret not appreciating the people, opportunities and things that I had more. It has been really good to get out of"the oc" for awhile-away from the gossip, the drama, the stress...but I feel as if I had my learning experience and now I am ready to take what I learned and go back to my life. Which is currently financially impossible. I seriously can't stand it here. Its beautiful, a great vacation spot-but the people are just crazy. I can't keep doing this..

In the blink of an eye...

You put me here for a reason
You have a mission for me
You knew my name and You called it
Long before I learned to breathe
Sometimes I feel disappointed
By the way I spend my time
How can I further Your kingdom
When I'm so wrapped up in mine?

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive
for a blink of an eye

And though I'm living a good life
Can my life be something great?
I have to answer the question
Before it's too late

Cause in a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

If I give the very best of me
That becomes my legacy
So tell me what am I waiting for?
What am I waiting for?